Mine

I look at you from afar,

As you laugh and smile,

Looking lovingly at him –

Who should have been me.

It should have been me,

The person making you glow.

It could have been me,

The person loving you so.

Often, I wonder, is it because I came too late,

That I lost the chance to be your date?

Would it be different if I came on time,

Or was it all in my mind?

I know, I shouldn’t be asking,

Fate has decided things for us.

More so for me, who’s paying a price –

To make the right choice, take the right path.

But still, I can’t brush that longing,

The feeling of wanting you.

Can’t help wishing to be beside you

Though it’s not meant to be.

Thus I look at you from afar

As you smile lovingly at him,

That I would forever wish was me,

Me telling you: you’re mine.

[As I Quote Tuesday] On Unrequited Love

“How timid and frail is unrequited love? A place you entered of your own accord, but you’re trapped inside, unable to find an exit. He doesn’t know a thing, and could one day leave my line of sight, and the love ends passively. A love that does not bloom flowers and thus cannot dream of bearing fruit, a love like a seed that is forgotten. That is unrequited love.” – Go Dok-mi, Flower Boy Next Door”

Unrequited love is a term that I’ve always heard being mentioned in K-Dramaland, in fact, I think most of the dramas that I’ve watched have characters mentioning about their unrequited loves but the most profound description that I’ve encountered so far is in Flower Boy Next Door. The way Go Dok-mi (portrayed by Park Shin-hye) described unrequited love is so on the spot, the simile sad yet true, oh so true. Knowing the truth about it though, I can’t help but ask, is there a way to avoid it especially because you’re completely aware that it is not gonna bear fruits anyway, so why not avoid it as it comes, or as you feel it?

I did have an answer, “you wish!” Yes, I’m talking to myself and that’s what the other side of me answered. Feelings as I’ve experienced and studied is not something that you can turn on and off like a switch or a faucet that you can open when you want to use and close when you’re done using it. Loving is involuntary, it’s not something you can control even if it just started from mere admiration.

I’ve had my own share of unrequited love; it happened a long, long time ago, but I can still remember him and my embarrassment when he found out about how I felt. Well, there was no outright rejection or something but let’s just say everything was blown out of proportion and he became a proud dude nearing to the jerk type. Thinking about it now, it’s kinda hilarious and the embarrassment part seems subtler than when it really happened. Ah, the memories, I wonder if he still remembers though, I think he’s my friend in facebook, LOL!

If I learned anything from that time it’s to take courage and never be in that situation again, an outright no is way easier to accept and live with than a futile gazing from afar that goes nowhere and might end into something embarrassing and painful.