Shattered Memories

I had no idea people could change drastically, over time –

For the worse. Or worst.

It makes me wonder: “what happened?”

I always believed that change is something constant, something necessary,

Something that’s going to happen whether you like it or not,

Something meant to be significant, important and probably larger

Than getting a particular pattern inked on your body.

Yet, I never thought that it could destroy such precious recollection,

Treasured feelings, memories of a yesterday that’s quite bland

But still, worth looking back.

I lay wide awake, stuck in a limbo; quite regretful,

Quite unbelieving – not ready to embrace the realization;

Not quite ready to give up – to give the old you up.

The old you that I’ve mooned over, that I looked up to,

That I’ve put high up a pedestal, that I’ve shared time with –

The only person I’ve allowed to see the real me back then.

I guess reminiscing is futile, change has done things over,

Nothing much to look back on now, nothing worth remembering,

All there is are memories, shattered, blown in the wind.

Get You Naked

You got my attention the minute you strut through that door. Dress flirting with the wind for three calculated breaths.  Slowly flowing and hugging every delicious curve of your blessed self. What a treat? Jolting me off my pathetic, twisted, self-assessment and wrapping me in a cloak of misery the moment your eyes caught mine.

As you captivatingly sashayed to where I’m planted at and as I repeatedly curse every inch of myself that’s responding to your silent call I wonder. “Until when can I hold myself from getting you naked?”

With the Lightest Touch

Your hand felt so warm,

It sent shock through my system –

With the lightest touch.

 

Sweet awakening,

A deep, secret wantonness

Lurking in shadows.

 

Come now, part the veil –

Consume, put out the fire,

That escaped tonight.

 

Mending

I’ve cut myself unknowingly,

Too trusting that I won’t bleed;

Too numb to feel, to know of –

The leech stuck in my being.

I was oblivious – I always was

Until the numbness faded,

Until my vision cleared,

Regrettably not in time to save me from the Styx.

Still, I resurfaced to see the damage;

To see myself deteriorating away,

To see everything all blurry,

Yet not a chance I’ll let out my fury.

Instead I picked my broken pieces,

Whatever it is that can be saved,

And walked away, head held high,

On that really hot summer day.

With every step all I wish is this –

Hopefully, in time, there would be peace.

Hopefully, that place to rest will show itself,

A place where I shall start mending and living once again.

As the Cold Wind Blows, I Remember You

As the cold wind blows, I remember you,

Each and everything that we used to do;

Though some has been forgotten – far long gone,

Along with the words that was said and done.

The initial reaction is laughter,

Followed by a free, then controlled smile.

A thought – what if I gave in and falter,

Could we save what we have in that short while?

Will there be any significant change,

Or will everything just be all for naught?

Is it or is it not by chance derange,

To even stop and think such silly thought?

Then –

Well the cold winds blew, I remembered you;

And that time when I don’t have any clue.

When your gestures, your actions were construe,

And I’m confident not to end up blue.

I remembered all those nonstop flutters,

The sweetness, surreality of it all.

Yet now, believe I can’t help but shudder,

Was it me who did that, did I bawl?

Yes, those were the good near forgotten days,

That comes to memory with the cold wind,

The memories, not the feelings that stays,

Not felt by the heart, merely kept in mind.

Still –

As the cold wind blows, I remember you,

Each and everything that we used to do;

Though some has been forgotten – far long gone,

Along with the words that was said and done.

We’ve Fallen Apart

We’ve fallen apart.

For some time now I’ve tried,

Brushing the thoughts off

But today, it really hit me –

We’ve fallen apart.

At first it was liberating

Not hearing your endless rant,

Your never ending suggestions,

Your being domineering;

Yet now, I’ll give my life to hear it.

Most likely I’ll beg on bended knee,

For you to spare me a glance,

For you to take notice of my grievance.

That I am completely, extremely sorry,

For making the biggest mistake of my life.

Yet I’m afraid,

For I know the damage I’ve done –

The extent of the pain I’ve caused you.

Thus I believe you won’t find it in you

To give and embrace me once more.

When the words you’re everything I wanted and more lost its meaning,

What is there to say to let you know my sincerest feelings?

How do I prove that everything I’m saying is real?

How do I say just follow what you really feel?

My Memory is Still You…

I wish I were somewhere along the shore –

Where reeds were swept by winds from place I’ve known.

And see once more familiar faces, or –

Walk through those sands where our mem’ries are sown.

I love to think of those times when you’re near –

When I can feel the softness of your skin.

I wish I’m back to those times when you’re here –

And lie once more beside you like we’re twins.

Alas! Those times were now a time long gone.

And thank you for the moments that we shared.

I wish you are now happy, not alone –

And if you are, – oh no! I wish you’re spared!

If wishing makes me think of you again,

May stars do rain to save me from this pain.

One

I chance upon a glance on my calendar,

And I realized – today you turned one.

I had to stop and put my thoughts together,

And wonder when and where time has gone.

In all honesty I am surprised – that’s an understatement.

For a year ago I was more doubtful than I intended.

Questioning every bit of myself, every brain compartment,

Like all the questioning was at all needed.

Yet here you are, here we are –

We’ve crossed a year together.

Give and take, comfort and comforted,

You’ve given me an escape, a home and more.

You’ve given me friendship all over the planet,

Some remaining faceless while others not so.

Some almost there occasionally – every now and then,

While some almost with me from dusk til dawn – electronically.

And today as I celebrate you turning one,

With a hope that we’ll have a year more,

I’d like to thank you and your visitors,

For dealing with the randomness – a mix of anything and everything.

1

The Pen

For whomever the pen writes is a mystery,

An enigma I so wanted to unravel;

Yet in the process I discovered – is knowing that important,

Or is it more than sufficient that it writes?

How the pen writes is another fascinating thing

That I can’t seem to shake off my head;

Sometimes gibberish – ambiguous; yet more often surprisingly profound,

Showing depths of unexplored possibilities, or is it?

What the pen writes is another curious thing,

Cause it gives off variety of reactions –

Good, bad; happy, sad – melancholic,

It is certain – the pen can drive you mad!

The reality though that sometimes gets unnoticed,

Is that the pen writes mostly for who holds it,

It writes the way the holder directs it to,

It expresses what the holder feels – wishes and hopes for.

Thus the next time you hold a pen, give it a good think –

The message I want to go across, what really is it?

Do I spread hatred or otherwise give the world a bit of love,

Or just let myself be the pen, move freely with every dots and curve?

The Awakening

At first there was but sorrow,

Questions about tomorrow.

Never to come, not likely –

Falling to uncertainty.

Second came the acceptance –

“All is going to be well.”

Fate, most likely is a chance,

To hear those melodious bell.

Yet longing is a problem,

As is with expectation.

Unquenchable it may seem,

Difficult situation.

Thus comes imagination,

Yearning continuation.

Soaring high, delving in depths,

Mostly unexplored yet felt.

Awakened; here – a brain child,

My story yet not really.

Just my thoughts going all wild –

Picturing what should have been.