By Knowing Pain

There was once a boy captivated by a girl,

He watched him constantly from afar.

Peculiar yet completely understandable –

For the girl is such a wonder to behold.

And he wonders, continuously –

How does someone stays cheerful,

After a long day of endless labor,

After being mistreated and called names?

How does she manages to smile genuinely,

The kind that reaches her eyes like it’s nothing,

Like she’s not having a hard time,

Like she’s not living a difficult life?

He couldn’t and could never do it,

Not even for all the tea in Han,

Not for all the coffee in Jawi,

Not for anything remotely important.

But, who is to blame a person who suffers?

Who is to say “all shall be well?”

Who is to console someone well aware,

Of his numbered, passing, precious time?

Yet, as he watches her from afar he’s changing,

Like the seasons that comes and goes.

He’s coming to realize their differences,

Coming to understand what he’s missing.

Suffering as with pain demands attention,

It demands to be known and understood,

It demands time to be embraced and felt,

Yet that’s not all to it, it’s a whole lot more.

By knowing pain one begins to appreciate,

By knowing pain one begins to be thankful,

By knowing pain one becomes stronger,

By knowing pain, happiness becomes sweeter.

Thus the boy who know his numbered days,

Before the numbers completely dwindled by,

Found peace and sweet happiness,

By accepting and knowing pain.

Memories

Memories has been clouding me lately;
thoughts of what used to be,
Pretty places, happy faces,
turning all sour and bitter sweet.
Where am I standing now,
is anybody holding my hand?
Is there ever someone who cares,
or is all wishful woes and pleas?
You used to be the sun shining brightly;
the rain gently caressing my face.
The wind that’s tossing my hair,
the earth that keeps me standing still.
What went wrong, who’s to blame?
There’s like 21 questions and counting.
Was I selfish, was I vain,
or is it more of the silly nothings?
You never really said goodbye,
which keeps me wondering why?
You left promising you’d come back,
But maybe it’s just to shut me up.
Whatever happens, life goes on,
counting all my silly questions.
Maybe waiting, maybe not;
the answers would really say a lot.
Until that day, I’ll keep all these,
dark, cloud like memories.
Pretty places, happy faces;
turning all sour and bitter sweet.

He Had to be With Her

Standing at that crossroad,
he made up his mind.
He arrived at that conclusion,
he had to be with her.
Carefully like a knight in armor,
about to go to war,
he prepared for what’s to come,
aware of the consequences, the outcome.
And like a knight madly in love,
he sought his damsel prior the fight.
To make sure she’s safe from harm,
As he flung himself into danger abound.
It was perilous, that’s an understatement,
for it was more a dying moment,
being down to that very last breath
the result of wrath unleashed.
He was shattered,
for he is no knight, just a boy.
A boy wanting a chance at things,
life, love and everything.
Still he managed to keep the façade,
mask the turmoil boiling inside,
The pain, the suffering he has to bear,
the result of receiving a cold shoulder.
Yet it was just for a moment,
just until their eyes met.
And knowing she’s suffering as much as he was,
the tears just fell, still he had to be with her.

I Said Goodbye

I said goodbye,

wishing it was for real,

that it’s really what I feel like;

not just a sudden burst of anger –

something all but whimsical.

Absurd, for I try my hardest

to abhor and hate you,

nonetheless, it’s futile;

for my heart is yours –

your possession and not mine.

It’s unfair, I can’t take it;

for every time I take a step backwards,

I always end up three steps towards you.

In front of you, though you barely see me,

though you barely know I’m there.

And it’s murdering me,

to feel that you’re a breath away,

a kiss, a smile, a touch nearby,

knowing that you’re around,

knowing it’s me you couldn’t find.

Thus I said goodbye,

rather than waste away,

not that I won’t without you.

But it’s a whole lot better

to waste away on my own.

For to feel that you’re there when you’re not is poison;

death is loving you when you can’t love me back.

Here I Am, There You Were

It started with a hi,

and everything just passed by.

Time seemed to stand still,

like it lost its free will.

Long talks, silly stories,

giggling constantly in delight.

Sweet smile, mischievous one,

drives me crazy all the time.

Everything is magical,

like being kissed for the first time,

I feel so darn whimsical,

dreaming that this is all mine.

Wake up – back to reality;

things cannot seem to be.

Those pretty smiles, even the silly ones,

it wasn’t really meant for me.

No matter how much I want it,

no matter how much I need it,

things aren’t written for me,

hard to realize but you see –

here I am, there you were,

two worlds great distance; apart.

Here I am, there you were,

there’s this someone holding your heart.

So I’ll just let things be,

content on dreaming of you and me,

treasuring those words and efforts,

remembering here I am, there you were.