On Repeat: 못참겠어(Can’t Help Myself ) – Eric Nam Feat. 로꼬

Today is Wednesday! It’s a really, really wonderful day. I feel supercharged despite the lack of sleep. I can’t help myself. ^_^ Is this a telling reason, or it is?

In actuality, it is. This song is one of the reasons for my really lifted spirit today. This song here is a party; the melody, rhythm, everything about it screams party! And honestly I’m dancing like am imbecile here just listening to it. Eric Nam always delivers in my opinion. He touches my heart with his slow songs and he can make me dance. He did with Ooh, Ooh and again with Can’t Help Myself. I love everything about this particular song even the lyrics. It’s good and wonderfully written if I may say so.  And the MV.. Wow! Just wow! I did wish that the girl was Solar though. I think it would be really adorable just like how adorable they are in We Got Married.

So, yeah, party today because it is a Wednesday. I have great music on loop and I’ll watch a really awesome drama before the day ends. Best of both worlds if you ask me, makes life really awesome!

On Repeat: Need to Feel Needed – Amber 엠버

(Or because you know the ooh, ooh, ooh is cheering me up big time.)

I woke up feeling completely crappy, a common occurrence for the last few months. No, that’s not a common knowledge, but hey, the cat is out of the proverbial bag. The only thing special today is that the running conversation in my head is a little bit on the positive side vs. the complete alternative which goes more like – “hey, you’re slow AF as ever, pick up the pace b*!” And since I don’t feel like being melancholic today (the sort of positive side of me sort of agrees too) why not look for a “pick me up” tune, and here it is:

Here’s another uncommon knowledge – I recently fell completely in love with Amber Liu of f(x). She has this sweet singing voice that’s pretty clear and convincing regarding the feelings it wants to convey and I love it. That aside, I also love her personality – quirky, bubbly and compassionate. Seriously what is not to love about Amber? She can make you cry (with On My Own) and she can make you want to join the party that is Need to Feel Needed. And honestly today, I need a break from the constant moping. Today, I wanna have fun and I’ll be bouncing and bobbing my head to this lovely tune, singing along with all the oohs – that is a matter of fact.

On Repeat: Cookie, Coffee – Vanilla Acoustic

I’m falling in love with K-Indie or I’ve fallen in love with K-Indie, that’s the proper phrase. I have people who are making it hard for me to sleep to thank for the discovery. I’m looking at you people staying down the hall who loves to drink every single night. I guess at some point I am to be blamed because I won’t speak up but the thing is, I know how sharp my tongue could be so in order to save them from me, I’d rather stay quiet and load up my “sleep inducer playlist” with songs to help me sleep. In the process, I discover, I fall in love and ultimately, I sleep better. I guess it’s a win-win kind of thing.

I was checking YouTube last night for some new songs to add to my playlist when I came across this song by Vanilla Acoustic. I adore them, I had a few songs of them already added on my YouTube playlist and I am quite sure that I am going to love anything they throw at me, and I was right, of course. And I seriously love it when I am right. Kekeke

Anyways, the song that I currently have on repeat is by of course Vanilla Acoustic and the title is something really special to me, something I can’t do without – Cookie, Coffee. Well not exactly in that order but I love both just as much as I love this song. I was won over by the first few notes and actually, call me crazy but that first few notes are critical to me. If I didn’t like a song on that first few notes, I won’t listen to it. There are just a certain few songs that don’t undergo that rule, and those few that knows me knows what I am talking about.

Back to Cookie, Coffee, sweet plus bitter, an awesome combination that’s making me extremely happy. Why do I love this song? It gives off this very sweet vibe, so sweet that I feel like I am melting and I like how the singer’s voices blends together, smoothly, like coffee, sugar and cream stirred/shaken together, yum! What am I blabbing about? Listen:

You see, that’s the vibe I am currently having. And thanks to this song, I had the sweetest dream last night that I reminisce whenever I hear this.

On Repeat: 눈부시다 (Dazzling) –스탠딩에그(Standing Egg)

I couldn’t sleep last night, I tried so hard but I couldn’t sleep. No, it doesn’t have anything to do with my phone because I have kept it on silent, I’m very diligent in keeping my phone on silent nowadays during bedtime because I easily get tempted to chat away and yes, that means no sleep for me which means I’ll be really, really grumpy the next day. Well, it’s a different story if I can have my fill of coffee, that is.

So why can’t I sleep? My housemates decided that it’s awesome to have a drinking session at 12:00am. They’re also under the impression that it’s cool to talk at the top of their voices even if they’re just facing each other so yes. I was waving goodbye to sleep when an idea crossed my mind: I can listen to some songs to drown the noise away. I remembered two people mentioned listening to a certain Indie Band to sleep, why not give it a try?

So, this poor soul who’s desperate to sleep resorted to creating a new playlist – a lullaby playlist that maybe later on I will share here, maybe. So far the playlist contains mostly songs from Standing Egg, yes, Standing Egg because I so believe the recommendation and I did fell asleep listening to Little Star not too long ago. That’s not the song I’m listening on repeat now though, it’s something else entirely. Although it’s also by Standing Egg, it’s not the song that I fell asleep to before and the impact is different. I’ll admit I’ve listened to this song before but it was just last night, in that ungodly hour did the song completely captured me.

It could be because I was strangely nostalgic yesterday for no particular reason, or maybe there is – it’s cold. But that’s for me to talk about in another post and not here. Wookay, the song that I’m currently listening to on repeat is 눈부시다 (Dazzling) by Standing Egg. When I first listened to it, it just registered as a sad song, last night though, or this early morning as we are talking 1:00am, it turned me into a mess. It’s not just the melody; it’s the lyrics that I understood mostly, to my amazement before I even looked the whole translation up.

I fell asleep listening to it, with this ache in my heart and I wanna share why. I went deep into the song, as deep as reading between every lines and I felt blue. Here’s why:

I can’t sleep,

The last song goes by again

I should stop; I can’t stop my heart now

Love goes by; followed by goodbye

The memory goes back

You wanted love, I just wanted you

That’s the reason I can’t sleep

It is more than usual not to get any amount of sleep specially when you’re reminiscing, listening to the songs you and the person you loved used to listen to back in the days. But it’s different this time around, you’re all alone but you won’t be able to control your thoughts to go back to that time. Then the realization that what she wanted was simple – a deeper connection, but you can’t and weren’t able to give it because you were not in the same page back then.

Now good bye to love

That time when I saw you,

You looked so dazzling

Now without love

When I looked back at that time,

I was so stupid

You now feel the lost, the pain of falling apart from each other. You see the importance and worth of that person but you can’t do anything anymore. All you can do is look back at what you’ve lost because it’s too late; the damaged has been done or probably the person you loved has had enough, being neglected.

I can’t sleep as the night is going late

I think about you again

I should stop; I can’t stop my heart now

Like this song

Love goes by; followed by goodbye

The memory goes back

You wanted a farewell (breakup), I just sent you away

That’s the reason I can’t sleep

And since you regret your mistake and lost, the more it is going to haunt you, no matter how you beg for it not to. It shall come back to you in any form possible, or mostly in a song. And you’ll remember that you couldn’t do anything, when that person you love asked to walk out of your life but to set that person free. Because only then did you realize – you haven’t been exerting that much effort, you haven’t proven whatever you have said to be real and more than words. But it’s way too late, way too late.

So yes, that’s what I have on repeat right now, a very sad song full of longing and regret resulting to lack of sleep. Almost like the current state that I am into, almost.

Lyrics Source | princess of tea |

On Repeat: This Isn’t It (이게 아닌데) – Taeyang

I have a very soft spot for Taeyang – yes, that’s a declaration because I’ve known about Taeyang before I even started to really pay attention to the Kpop scene. I can still remember how that happened… Year 2010, I was getting tired of the repetitive English songs I’ve been listening to so I asked a good friend of mine who’s in the know of good songs/singers more than I am and Taeyang’s Wedding Dress was one of his suggestion. From that day on, with the first listen, he took a spot in my heart that will belong to him and him alone. Ah, Sol, Taeyang, Youngbae, you got me alright, with that sweet yet melancholic voice of yours, turning me to mush with every listen, all the time, every time.

One thing that I love about Taeyang, he sings sad songs with perfection, the feelings, expression, and every single note, everything about it – absolutely flawless to my ears. Of course it’s a matter of preference and I for one prefer this sort of songs because I am this perpetually brokenhearted girl for no particular reason. Weird right, well that’s me.

Enough with the babbling and more of the music; the song that I currently have on repeat is This Isn’t It (이게 아닌데) by Taeyang who as I said holds a special place in my heart. This song is off his album Rise; released a couple of months ago. I admit I loved most of the songs; alright all of the songs in the album but this song is my favorite, because it’s depressingly good. You can feel the rawness of pain, like the real deal about the lyrics just happened recently, oh the agony! What am I talking about? Let’s read the translated lyrics shall we:

I still love you

I wanted to tell you,

The one who couldn’t take it anymore and

Gave up in the end.

I miss you more than I hate you

I long for you more than I’m sad

Is this not it? Is this not it?

If we bump into each other, what would happen?

Would I hide from you amongst the crowd,

Even if it’s only a waste of insignificant feelings.

I worry throughout the day,

The medicine of time has passed,

But this isn’t it, this isn’t it, this isn’t it.

You may be smiling from happiness now.

You, the person who left hurtful scars more than happy memories,

I miss you more than I hate you,

I long for you more than I’m sad.

Is this not it? Is this not it?

It was so familiar from the start,

More than a long-time couple,

And now it’s nothing but insignificant memories.

I worry throughout the day,

The medicine of time has passed,

But this isn’t it, this isn’t it, this isn’t it.

I tried emptying out my heart that’s filled with you,

Hoping something movie-like would happen to me.

I worry throughout the day,

The medicine of time has passed,

But this isn’t it, this isn’t it, this isn’t it.

Even I feel sorry for myself,

I want to bury this finished love,

But this can’t be it, this can’t be it, this can’t be it.

Isn’t it depressingly good? Every time I listen to this song I get all misty eyed because it’s like I can almost see what’s happening, like there’s this heartbreaking music video in my mind.  Him looking from afar, fighting with himself because he knows both sides of the coin; yet what he feels for the person he used to love is sort of still there, but that’s not it, it shouldn’t be it anymore. cries And Sol’s voice aaaah cries some more it’s full of longing and pain at the same time. And now I’m officially a mess, I believe I can finish that dying scene now, thanks Sol. And here – I hope you will give it a listen:

Taeyang

Lyrics Source | popgasa |

On Repeat: Sexy Lady – Jang Wooyoung (장우영)

The song I currently have on repeat came out of the blue, though I was somehow expecting it to grow on me one of these days, I didn’t expect it to be this crazy. Sneaky song from a sneakier singer, I’m hooked and am not even a bit embarrassed about it. Why should I be?

The funny part is it’s not really playing; it’s more like on repeat in my head, my filler after I finished saying something or when it becomes extremely quiet. The best parts – I even do the hand and head gestures. Oh dorky day! By lunch it has become my background music as I munch away on my food from charity. Oh wait, that ain’t right; It’s not considered charity if you cooked it, right? Whatever!

Before I get sidetracked and all, let me get to the part where I say that the song I am currently listening to on repeat is Sexy Lady by the man, the one, the only, the handsome, the sexy, *fans self and thinks harder for more adjectives to use but fails* learning(?)  how to love Jang Wooyoung. Why is it unexpected you ask when this is the main track of his first solo album? Because the songs I love from his album 23, Male, Single is in this order 1) Falling Down, 2) Be With You, 3) Could Not Even Start, 4) Only Girl. But as I said, I know this day shall come, and so it did.

I think the main reason this is so inviting today is because I wanted to be awake – desperately awake and this song can really keep you awake along with a mug of coffee. With its techno-ish vibe and Wooyoung’s somewhat sweet raspy voice, it gives this sexy feel that finally caught my ears, and my feet.

 

On another note, I’ve been spazzing with my fellow YY shipper last night and this morning I found this interesting photos of the man and all I can think of is what Lia and I talk about most of the time: Can I have your clone?

 jwy IMG_2702 IMG_2701

Here’s one more for the go – a picture I’ve been drooling over for a few days now because well, the man is hawt especially when he’s on stage.

 IMG_2663 IMG_2654

And now, I’ll listen to the song some more, before going back to a depressing song to set the mood to make way for an epic break up scene I never thought I’ll write about.

Photo Credit: WooyoungHome, Woogle, fyJangWooyoung

On Repeat: Just One Day (하루만) – Son Ho Young & Danny Ahn (G.O.D)

I’m amazed at how completely random my taste in music is sometimes, well maybe it has something to do with my mood too but that’s an entirely difficult to explain thing. I do sometimes fear that I am somewhat bipolar or suffering from slight OCD but that’s just the negative side of me talking. And the other side of me doesn’t actually give a cent about it anymore so I say: “Self; live with it!”

The song I’m currently listening on repeat is Just One Day by Son Ho Young & Danny Ahn off the OST of the recently concluded drama on my watch list, Marriage Not Dating. The song is incredibly painful, possibly murdering in my perspective. Why? Well it has begging/pleading, longing and sacrifice; a recipe evoking empathy especially to an acutely passive person like me.

Listening to this song makes me think “ah, so I and my good friend in college aren’t the only ones who believe that pain is pleasure, we are not alone.” Weird thoughts, right? Well it is because I am weird like that, acknowledged. Enough about me and more of the song that’s currently keeping me in a pained state, enough to be inspire to actually be productive. The accompaniment of this piece is incredibly good (of course that’s my opinion) and the voice of the singers are imbued with begging/pleading, longing and sacrificing like it’s nothing. Another note, I never thought it’s possible to rap in a sad tone, is that possible? Apparently it is.

Going deeper into the song or getting lost in the lyrics, it brings back some of what I thought was forgotten sentiments:

There’s nothing more to lose so I cry
The one tear drop that is you, fills my eyes
Love, that easy word, is like a tear to me
So like a fool, I let it fall down

Tears, clearly nobody can escape tears and most of the time we let our tears flow without holding back. That means you’ve resigned to what’s happening, you’ve accepted, you admit that tears is all part of being conned to love, or maybe it’s just me.

I can breathe because it’s you
I can stand it because it’s you
Only one person

Often times when in a stage where you completely surrendered to being in love, there’s always just your object of affection. You’re Super(man/woman) but only for your other half.

For just one day, like a dream
I hope you will stay in my cruel life
Even if I live for one day, it’s you
Even though it hurts, it’s you

Whenever it’s too late or if ever the end has come, that desire to have a few moments more always comes up, the need to make a difference embedded to mind making you promise things that really, you should have done before things turn out for the worst.

I just want to love you for just one day
I want to see you just for an hour
Was love always this hard?
I don’t think my heart is going the way it wants to
Tears fall and linger on my chin
I’m afraid that it’ll fall, it disgusts me
Living is not living at all
Only you can save me, please think of me

No matter how simple we think the things we want are, it’s never the case. Even if we try to think of it simply, it’s not. The good part about it is that you try, you gave your best. No need to feel bad about anything. Pain demands to be felt says the writer of The Fault in Our Stars.

I’ll tell you again, I can’t go on if it’s not you
No one can take your place, never
I love you, I shout out once again toward you
It’s not enough to think about only us, please, I ask you

And some more undying profession of love and desperation, I did mention this is a very desperate and pleading song right, well that’s the simplest way to describe it.

I really feel so much pain listening to this song and in actuality, I feel it twices because all the begging could have been prevented, the possibility is there but hey, it’s the concept so be it. And I needed a bit of depression to be inspired anyways so I’ll be listening some more.

On Repeat: Cross My Mind by Twin Forks

Watching Korean Dramas (and Taiwanese too, well at least “some” Taiwanese drama that includes Aaron Yan) is not just all about the dramas; most of the time or always, it’s also about the OST. The OST keeps the dramas alive, more addicting and most of the time as is the case with me, I get attached to the songs more than the drama itself that I find myself listening to it on repeat just to listen to those significant lyrics, feel those particular emotions and be lost in that very moment.

The song that I’m currently listening to on repeat is Cross My Mind by Twin Forks, it’s off the OST of It’s Okay, That’s Love, a drama I am currently watching, well obsessing is the proper word; I can’t have enough of it. The same goes to the song, which is the reason of course why it’s on repeat. You may ask what the charm of this particular song is and how ironic is it that I came across an awesome English song while watching a Korean drama? Well, I say the possibility is there and chingudeul, possibility is endless. The charm of this particular song doesn’t end with the melody which is alive and catchy, its charm, for me lays on its lyrics that seem to be the current story of my life, or so I believe. This is why:

Girl, it’s really good to see you come around.
I know you’ve been lost, I’m glad you got found,
‘Cause I’ve been a little lost myself.

Sometimes, it happens that we meet someone from our past, someone you have completely assumed that like you, has been lost after the great event of facing the real world, or taking on the grown up pants. And it makes you feel good and nostalgic at the same time.

Found an old picture of you on my phone.
Had a new feeling, now I won’t let go
Until I can, I can tell you myself.

Otherwise you see something to remind you of those times, of those words that you have failed to say or express because let’s face it, sometimes sincerity makes you all shy because you’re afraid to show your cheesy side that you feel they won’t get but in fact they would but you didn’t bother to cross the bridge that’s why you never found out.

Why don’t you stay for a while?
It’s been too long since I’ve smiled.
There’s too few people I trust.
I won’t ask you for too much,
Good conversation and such,
And if I’m being honest…

People come and go in our lives; some will stay, some just passing by. But with all these people who came and gone, a few will completely get you, your heart and your trust and it won’t matter if they give you nothing but their understanding, to you who’s being understood and cared for, it’s worth all the gold you can think of possessing in this lifetime and more.

From time to time
You cross my mind.
Good company
Is hard to find.
From time to time
You cross my mind.
So stay with me,
Just for a night. (You cross my mind…)

And in time, as it is inevitable for people to part ways, memories made keep things alive, and sometimes, somehow fans the longing and makes you wish that someday in the near future, your paths may cross again, or for me, I wish that December comes faster.

That’s what is currently on repeat, matching my longing for tangible sincere and true company. Give it a listen, it might mean differently. After all, we each listen to the same song but we each see a different picture of what we are listening to. Don’t you think so, chingudeul?