We’ve Fallen Apart

We’ve fallen apart.

For some time now I’ve tried,

Brushing the thoughts off

But today, it really hit me –

We’ve fallen apart.

At first it was liberating

Not hearing your endless rant,

Your never ending suggestions,

Your being domineering;

Yet now, I’ll give my life to hear it.

Most likely I’ll beg on bended knee,

For you to spare me a glance,

For you to take notice of my grievance.

That I am completely, extremely sorry,

For making the biggest mistake of my life.

Yet I’m afraid,

For I know the damage I’ve done –

The extent of the pain I’ve caused you.

Thus I believe you won’t find it in you

To give and embrace me once more.

When the words you’re everything I wanted and more lost its meaning,

What is there to say to let you know my sincerest feelings?

How do I prove that everything I’m saying is real?

How do I say just follow what you really feel?

If I Knew

If I knew that one day we would part,

I would’ve done everything in my power to block that.

I would’ve gone the distance to stop that day from coming,

I would’ve given everything; if only I knew.

If I knew that we’ll be saying goodbye,

If I knew that the end applies to us,

I would’ve given you more time and attention,

So as to let you know, you’re all I ever wanted.

You’re all that I’ll ever need and more,

Your sweet and gentle presence by my side,

Your reassuring silence, your trusting glance,

That keeps me grounded and makes me feel loved.

And then again if I knew, would I even bother,

Would I ever bother to even start?

Most likely not, how would I know though,

The privilege was never mine.

Yet, at this point in time all I could think of,

If I knew, I wouldn’t have let you walk out that door,

I would’ve just held your hand and whisper to your ear,

“Let me go too, to wherever you are, wherever you’ll be.”

[That Tune on a Monday] I Wish It Was You

I have this song on repeat since yesterday and am not bothered even a bit. That’s a lie. My reaction when this song was played in Flower Boy Next Door is ah, this is a parting song, a heartbreak song; how do I know? Well, I may not understand Korean that well but I watched plenty of Korean dramas to basically get a context and a song starting with lyrics like (this is what I thought the lyrics says, before reading the actual English translation) if it was you it would have been nice is definitely not a love song with a happy content plus the fact that it is ballad-y (-ish) it’s definitely a heartbreak song. I feel the pain, I know of someone who has experienced that kind of situation; let’s just say I’m going to keep that someone nameless.

I guess it really happens, that situation where you wish for someone so badly to be that right person for you but it turns out that it can’t be and no matter how painful it is on you, you’ll be that noble idiot to let go because you wish for that person’s happiness. Yup, it happens in real life, not just in dramas, I know some noble idiots in person.

Just so what I am talking about is clear (and for my reference) here’s the English translation of the song (credits to pop!gasa):

I wish it was you

Lee Jung

I wish it was you, the person who will laugh with me
I wish it was you, the person who will walk with me
I wish it was you — on our way back home in the late evening,
The one person who will passionately hug me

* I’m afraid it will all disappear if I tell you
So I’ve hidden these words without anyone knowing

** I really wish it was you, do you know how I feel?
Because my love is like breathing, I can’t hide it
I can’t let go of you, who is turning away right now
It hurts but for you, I need to say goodbye now

* Repeat

** Repeat

There is just so much to say
But I can’t say it and I miss you so I call your name again

I wish it was me, the person who is next to you right now
I can’t let go of you, who is turning away right now
It hurts but for you, I need to…
For you, I need to say goodbye now.

Now, what I’m talking about is cleared. Is the pain evident? It is to me and since I am in need of some inspiration (I can’t write properly if I’m not sad, it’s weird I know but that’s me) I’m keeping this song on repeat until I see that sparks.

That’s Why

I was in one of those moods, you know, in your own bubble, pretending to shoot your own music video like the ones you watch on youtube with all the dramas and stuff. I think I did provide the drama, just picture me: at the balcony, sitting alone overlooking the golf course, music player in hand on shuffle (AKA my iPhone,) headset secured in ears and a lollipop (that’s necessary, am trying to quit from something,) it’s dramatic right?

This song played and I can’t help but think did I ever do that break up thing or what? Was I in one? I think my style of break up is more on just falling apart and losing contact and that’s it, the end. Was there a closure? Nope, and come to think about it that must be one of the reason why it hurts more and the mystery of not knowing the reason of falling apart?

I’ll never get to understand why, at least I stopped trying and I did say I’m glad to be on my own right now, I just got curious because of the song which I went a few inches to actually look for an English translation (credits to pop!gasa) and it’s as follow:

The Real Reason We Broke Up

Younha

The real reason we broke up
I wonder if you know
Although right now,
You probably don’t care at all

The more I understood you, the farther away you got
You didn’t even get angry like before
The more we tried, the more boring you and I got

It was just the heart fluttering that I wanted
It was just the beginning that you looked at me
There is no real reason why we broke up
You just didn’t love me
There’s no other reason

Oh you just never loved me
Oh now everything is clear

The real reason I loved you
You probably don’t know
Yes, if you did know
You wouldn’t have left me so easily

You dreamed of a new love
I dreamed of an eternal love
The things we looked at were so different, you and I

Each of us wrote of a different love
Each of our ends remain in a different way
There’s no reason for me to forget you completely
If I’m to be left alone here anyway
I’ll stay a bit longer

I had a bad dream
That I fell for you, who came back to me once again
That I accepted you, who just came back however you wanted

The lyrics are so true, well at least for me. It was just the beginning that’s sweet; keeping it that way didn’t really happen. Well I guess somehow I got my answer. And that is why this is my LSS today.

I Said Goodbye

I said goodbye,

wishing it was for real,

that it’s really what I feel like;

not just a sudden burst of anger –

something all but whimsical.

Absurd, for I try my hardest

to abhor and hate you,

nonetheless, it’s futile;

for my heart is yours –

your possession and not mine.

It’s unfair, I can’t take it;

for every time I take a step backwards,

I always end up three steps towards you.

In front of you, though you barely see me,

though you barely know I’m there.

And it’s murdering me,

to feel that you’re a breath away,

a kiss, a smile, a touch nearby,

knowing that you’re around,

knowing it’s me you couldn’t find.

Thus I said goodbye,

rather than waste away,

not that I won’t without you.

But it’s a whole lot better

to waste away on my own.

For to feel that you’re there when you’re not is poison;

death is loving you when you can’t love me back.