On Repeat: 눈부시다 (Dazzling) –스탠딩에그(Standing Egg)

I couldn’t sleep last night, I tried so hard but I couldn’t sleep. No, it doesn’t have anything to do with my phone because I have kept it on silent, I’m very diligent in keeping my phone on silent nowadays during bedtime because I easily get tempted to chat away and yes, that means no sleep for me which means I’ll be really, really grumpy the next day. Well, it’s a different story if I can have my fill of coffee, that is.

So why can’t I sleep? My housemates decided that it’s awesome to have a drinking session at 12:00am. They’re also under the impression that it’s cool to talk at the top of their voices even if they’re just facing each other so yes. I was waving goodbye to sleep when an idea crossed my mind: I can listen to some songs to drown the noise away. I remembered two people mentioned listening to a certain Indie Band to sleep, why not give it a try?

So, this poor soul who’s desperate to sleep resorted to creating a new playlist – a lullaby playlist that maybe later on I will share here, maybe. So far the playlist contains mostly songs from Standing Egg, yes, Standing Egg because I so believe the recommendation and I did fell asleep listening to Little Star not too long ago. That’s not the song I’m listening on repeat now though, it’s something else entirely. Although it’s also by Standing Egg, it’s not the song that I fell asleep to before and the impact is different. I’ll admit I’ve listened to this song before but it was just last night, in that ungodly hour did the song completely captured me.

It could be because I was strangely nostalgic yesterday for no particular reason, or maybe there is – it’s cold. But that’s for me to talk about in another post and not here. Wookay, the song that I’m currently listening to on repeat is 눈부시다 (Dazzling) by Standing Egg. When I first listened to it, it just registered as a sad song, last night though, or this early morning as we are talking 1:00am, it turned me into a mess. It’s not just the melody; it’s the lyrics that I understood mostly, to my amazement before I even looked the whole translation up.

I fell asleep listening to it, with this ache in my heart and I wanna share why. I went deep into the song, as deep as reading between every lines and I felt blue. Here’s why:

I can’t sleep,

The last song goes by again

I should stop; I can’t stop my heart now

Love goes by; followed by goodbye

The memory goes back

You wanted love, I just wanted you

That’s the reason I can’t sleep

It is more than usual not to get any amount of sleep specially when you’re reminiscing, listening to the songs you and the person you loved used to listen to back in the days. But it’s different this time around, you’re all alone but you won’t be able to control your thoughts to go back to that time. Then the realization that what she wanted was simple – a deeper connection, but you can’t and weren’t able to give it because you were not in the same page back then.

Now good bye to love

That time when I saw you,

You looked so dazzling

Now without love

When I looked back at that time,

I was so stupid

You now feel the lost, the pain of falling apart from each other. You see the importance and worth of that person but you can’t do anything anymore. All you can do is look back at what you’ve lost because it’s too late; the damaged has been done or probably the person you loved has had enough, being neglected.

I can’t sleep as the night is going late

I think about you again

I should stop; I can’t stop my heart now

Like this song

Love goes by; followed by goodbye

The memory goes back

You wanted a farewell (breakup), I just sent you away

That’s the reason I can’t sleep

And since you regret your mistake and lost, the more it is going to haunt you, no matter how you beg for it not to. It shall come back to you in any form possible, or mostly in a song. And you’ll remember that you couldn’t do anything, when that person you love asked to walk out of your life but to set that person free. Because only then did you realize – you haven’t been exerting that much effort, you haven’t proven whatever you have said to be real and more than words. But it’s way too late, way too late.

So yes, that’s what I have on repeat right now, a very sad song full of longing and regret resulting to lack of sleep. Almost like the current state that I am into, almost.

Lyrics Source | princess of tea |