Distance

I smiled the best way I can and wished you well,

Wished you all the love and happiness you deserve.

Wished you happy times with her, whose next to you,

And while doing so, I wonder “can he tell I’m hurting?”

Can he see pass the forced smile?

Can he see the shadows in my eyes?

Can he see the tears almost escaping;

The tears held together by pride?

Why is it so hard; saving one’s pride;

And why is it so important?

Why does it always end with:

“It’s not you, it’s me?”

Did I feel like shooting you or me?

Did I want to rip and tear her apart?

Did I wish it never happened?

Question is – does it matter?

Does it matter what I feel at this point,

Knowing I’d give more than you can?

Knowing the distance you can cross for me,

Doesn’t even come to a single mile.

Bleeding on the Guitar

He’s seated on their corner again,

Looking more battered than before;

Staring at nothing in particular,

Sighing, shaking his head.

Surprisingly he still cradles his guitar,

Though the music had completely changed;

Somewhat dark, too far from sweet,

As if completely drowning in memories.

Ah yes, those memories,

Some of joy, most of pain.

Biting and devouring sorrow,

Driving him to forget tomorrow.

Why did she go that way,

Right before his very eyes?

How could she go that way,

Leaving just memories on a guitar?

He’s seated on their corner again,

Reliving everything with every strum;

Letting his feelings show for a moment,

Letting himself bleed on the guitar.

I Remember

A smell, a taste,

A place, a book,

A particular music genre,

Could stop my train of thoughts.

And during those few seconds,

Just for a few seconds –

I remember you, what we used to do,

Thankfully without feelings anymore.

Honestly it took some time,

Probably because you’re the first –

The first person I went all out for,

The first person I crossed islands for.

Maybe it’s not enough,

Or was it so reassuring

That you have me under a spell

Dancing on your pretty palm.

Those days are all behind me – somehow;

I’m back on my own shore.

The feelings are almost gone,

Though inevitably, sometimes, I remember.

Though it doesn’t pain me anymore,

Like it did not so long ago –

Those things, several certain things,

That always, surely; reminds me of you.

I Lost You

I lost you – three words, three mere words,

yet the shattering content,

cuts thoroughly to my existence.

“I’m in pain,” a description not sufficient,

just like “I’m falling apart”

can’t describe this hollowness inside.

It’s downright unbelievable,

for a few mere hours ago you promised

you will wait for my return.

I trusted you, believed in your radiant smile

and your oh so sweet kiss,

that I now realized was a goodbye.

And still, I can’t truly blame you,

for I understand how scared you are,

from the very beginning, from the start.

Yet I can’t take it too,

knowing that I lost you,

knowing I have to make do without you.

How do you move forward,

when you’re slumped immobile to the ground?

How do you wish not to die,

while you fee like being gnawed to bits?

How do you forgive your own flesh and blood,

when they are the roots of your suffering?

Where do you find the answer, how do you make a start?

I know it’s cowardly to say

I won’t pick up the pieces and fix parts.

I’ll stay immobile in this very slump,

where I lost you.

Sorrow Every Morn

Lost in the dark,
Mending a broken heart.
Unsure where to start,
Fixing the gaps and parts.
Everything runs deeply,
I am hurt completely.
It is really that easy,
To throw this all away?
It’s easy to say forever,
Though you know it could be over.
It won’t be that much longer
To see that all is gone.
And here you was the one who said hold on,
That you can never make it on your own,
How could you leave me all alone,
To face the sorrow every morn?
I was so wrong
To think we belong
Dreaming of something
not mine all along.
Sure is all wrong
To hope so strong
That you’ll return
And I won’t be alone.
Now it will never matter,
I know that all is over.
I would stay on my own
And face the sorrow every morn.

Here I Am, There You Were

It started with a hi,

and everything just passed by.

Time seemed to stand still,

like it lost its free will.

Long talks, silly stories,

giggling constantly in delight.

Sweet smile, mischievous one,

drives me crazy all the time.

Everything is magical,

like being kissed for the first time,

I feel so darn whimsical,

dreaming that this is all mine.

Wake up – back to reality;

things cannot seem to be.

Those pretty smiles, even the silly ones,

it wasn’t really meant for me.

No matter how much I want it,

no matter how much I need it,

things aren’t written for me,

hard to realize but you see –

here I am, there you were,

two worlds great distance; apart.

Here I am, there you were,

there’s this someone holding your heart.

So I’ll just let things be,

content on dreaming of you and me,

treasuring those words and efforts,

remembering here I am, there you were.

I Thought of You

I thought of you.

For a brief moment,

for a short while,

I let you in my mind.

Rapidly, like running water,

all those memories flow.

The laughter, the silliness,

the unbelievable comfort,

surprising similarity

that draws me to you

and you to me.

Yet, it’s not enough;

these couldn’t replace a touch,

a warm lingering embrace

that can’t pass through this box.

You need that badly,

like a flower needing rain,

and I can’t stand to watch you wither,

no, not anymore.

Thus I let go,

with so much difficulty,

like a mother watching her child

grow lightning fast.

It was painful yet you won’t know,

there’s no way that I would show.

I’ll stand again, and then someday,

maybe I’ll stop thinking of you.