I Said Goodbye

I said goodbye,

wishing it was for real,

that it’s really what I feel like;

not just a sudden burst of anger –

something all but whimsical.

Absurd, for I try my hardest

to abhor and hate you,

nonetheless, it’s futile;

for my heart is yours –

your possession and not mine.

It’s unfair, I can’t take it;

for every time I take a step backwards,

I always end up three steps towards you.

In front of you, though you barely see me,

though you barely know I’m there.

And it’s murdering me,

to feel that you’re a breath away,

a kiss, a smile, a touch nearby,

knowing that you’re around,

knowing it’s me you couldn’t find.

Thus I said goodbye,

rather than waste away,

not that I won’t without you.

But it’s a whole lot better

to waste away on my own.

For to feel that you’re there when you’re not is poison;

death is loving you when you can’t love me back.

Gypsy Prince

Lost and restless,

another sleepless night

of lonely thoughts

and total wondering.

Clouds are but whirling,

like the smoke filling her eyes.

Thoughts of the past,

makes her curl up and hide.

Wrapped and trapped,

existing, not living,

in a protected fortress,

built to seclude herself.

Then he came along,

enticing her that it was torture,

leaving her no choice but to give in.

It was a whirlwind,

rushing at a speed

more than uncontrollable,

there was nothing left

but to fall.

That, she did,

with restless abandon,

drowning in the turbulence

that he offers,

nonetheless short lived.

For he is a vagabond,

lacking the ability to stand still;

living a charming life of a gypsy prince.

Another Day

She opened her eyes,

welcoming disorientation,

then the realization —

she’s awake for another day.

Pulled herself together,

one could say begrudgingly,

as if fighting the unseen,

while it pins her in tempting comfort.

“Five more minutes, give me five more minutes,”

this is her plea to her alarm.

Five more minutes, just five more minutes,

until she face her world’s lack of warmth.

Wallflower

I’m running in that same direction,

the path that I used to walk on.

The path i promised never to cross again;

but alas, here I am.

I promised not to be back,

maybe more than a hundred times.

I promised not to run back;

but I guess I couldn’t leave it at that.

I was teased, tested and then broken,

things that couldn’t be just forgotten.

That’s why I can’t believe this is happening,

am doing the same thing again.

Running around in circles,

finding someone not supposed.

Feelings that’s suppressed, hidden.

Why was all the spell broken?

It wasn’t supposed to happen,

wasn’t supposed to care.

Wasn’t suppose to feel,

why is this being real?

The signs, the sighs, all fuzzy.

And everything is so bubbly.

Warm, gooey and delicious,

but it is never malicious.

I am doomed, drowning again,

in a pool of uncertain depth.

I am caught, hook line and sinker,

I’ve reached the point of no return.

But it’s all a one way thing,

a product of my own imaginings.

It is all a nonsensical thing,

to a dying wallflower.