Shattered Memories

I had no idea people could change drastically, over time –

For the worse. Or worst.

It makes me wonder: “what happened?”

I always believed that change is something constant, something necessary,

Something that’s going to happen whether you like it or not,

Something meant to be significant, important and probably larger

Than getting a particular pattern inked on your body.

Yet, I never thought that it could destroy such precious recollection,

Treasured feelings, memories of a yesterday that’s quite bland

But still, worth looking back.

I lay wide awake, stuck in a limbo; quite regretful,

Quite unbelieving – not ready to embrace the realization;

Not quite ready to give up – to give the old you up.

The old you that I’ve mooned over, that I looked up to,

That I’ve put high up a pedestal, that I’ve shared time with –

The only person I’ve allowed to see the real me back then.

I guess reminiscing is futile, change has done things over,

Nothing much to look back on now, nothing worth remembering,

All there is are memories, shattered, blown in the wind.

On Repeat: 못참겠어(Can’t Help Myself ) – Eric Nam Feat. 로꼬

Today is Wednesday! It’s a really, really wonderful day. I feel supercharged despite the lack of sleep. I can’t help myself. ^_^ Is this a telling reason, or it is?

In actuality, it is. This song is one of the reasons for my really lifted spirit today. This song here is a party; the melody, rhythm, everything about it screams party! And honestly I’m dancing like am imbecile here just listening to it. Eric Nam always delivers in my opinion. He touches my heart with his slow songs and he can make me dance. He did with Ooh, Ooh and again with Can’t Help Myself. I love everything about this particular song even the lyrics. It’s good and wonderfully written if I may say so.  And the MV.. Wow! Just wow! I did wish that the girl was Solar though. I think it would be really adorable just like how adorable they are in We Got Married.

So, yeah, party today because it is a Wednesday. I have great music on loop and I’ll watch a really awesome drama before the day ends. Best of both worlds if you ask me, makes life really awesome!

[Drama Craze] Currently Watching – Bring It On, Ghost!

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It’s summer – hot and humid. I’m in need of a breeze to blow away all this and I think this drama came out just in time. So far, I’m loving it. Of course I’m talking about Bring It On, Ghost!  the drama remake of a webtoon that’s currently helping me endure a really rough summer. And probably the drama I’d be watching over and over if this happens to be the last drama project of one of my favorite idol before he starts Military Service. I’ll be waiting Taec!

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So, what’s it about you ask? It’s about a college student moonlighting as an exorcist for hire– Park Bong-pal (Ok Taec-yeon). He happens to have the ability to see and touch ghost. That’s quite new for me, the touch part, not the ghost. He was hired by the adorable ghost Kim Hyun-ji (Kim So-hyun) to exorcise a ghost in a haunted ladies’ school and the rest just snowballed in and she decided to stick with him when she happen to have a glimpse of the day she died when they accidentally kissed. Naturally, she can’t stay around for free and that’s how the ghost fighting duo started, and they shall rid the premises with hateful ghost at the right price. Pretty neat, right, but that’s not all.

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There’s the comedic side as provided by Choi Cheon-sang (Kang Ki-young) and Kim In-rang (Lee David), Bong-pal’s sunbae also President and Vice President of Ghostnet a mystery club of the university they’re attending. They were present at the ladies’ school and they learned of Bong-pal’s abilities making him a must have member of their club that’s on the brink of being dissolved. Later on, they became sidekicks, working as Bong-pal’s “agent.” I’m seriously getting confused with the actor playing Choi Cheon-sang. I mean seeing him as a college student then a resident doctor (W – Two Worlds) is quite confusing. He’s busy and he’s funny.

Of course there’s the cute bickering of Hyun-ji and Bong-pal. I love the pettiness and their blossoming interest with each other, not sure how that’s going to work but I have at least a few theories or I can read the webtoon, not that I am not tempted to read it now. I also love that through Hyun-ji’s encouragement/presence, Bong-pal is slowly breaking down all of the walls that he has put up because of the whole ghost related abilities and losing his mother.

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I’m completely hooked by the flow of the story, the mystery is still in place and my hows and whys are still unanswered and that keeps me interested to sit around and wait to see what’s gonna happen next. I’m quite happy too by Taec’s acting improvement. He improved a lot and it’s really pleasant to watch him alongside Kim So-hyun. All the partiality I initially have because of the age gap has disappeared. Their chemistry is solid and complimentary at the same time.

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The show is recommendable and if you got hooked with dramas like Master’s Sun and Oh My Ghost, you are definitely going to enjoy Bring It On, Ghost. Don’t watch alone though if you’re a scaredy-cat, the ghosts they’re fighting are terrifying.

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[A Piece of Me] What’s At the Top?

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A week ago, I crossed out one of the items on my bucket list and that is to visit Burj Khalifa before I leave the UAE for good. And honestly it would have been delayed if not for a friend whom I got to meet for the first time since we started chatting a few years back. Yeah, it definitely would have been waay delayed because even if I’ve been here for almost 10 years, I’m still not used to summer in the UAE.

Enough whining about summer and back to the subject at hand – Burj Khalifa, the tallest existing structure ever built as per Wikipedia and the item crossed out of my bucket list. It took about a week to sort through how I feel about the trip because, yeah, I’m slow like that. Plus I’m distracted and mostly, because I’m overthinking. Talk about twisted.

We arrived at least 45 minutes early, thanks to the ever dependable Uber driver, his name now forgotten not that I got it in the first place. Quite early, I know it’s an oversight in my part mainly because in all honesty, I’m not familiar with Dubai. I never really go out of the house or leave Ras Al Khaimah unless it’s important or necessary. And this is one of those cases, it’s important, even if I think I wasn’t able to highlight the importance of it all, I kicked myself internally as I type that.

So we had some time to kill even after the whole “lost and ask for direction.” I decided to try to really wake up by having more caffeine in me – double shot espresso macchiato this time cause the 3in1 was of no help and by the time the tour started, I felt awake. And because Jean – a Dubai based friend of mine already set my expectations about the tour, I opened my mind and just enjoyed the company of the person I was with. So all in all, it was wonderful. I have proof:

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Quite the view, right? Really impressive, at least for the first 20 minutes it is, afterwards, the view is just numbing, the heat more pronounced and if not for my friend, I don’t think I’d enjoy the tour as much. I know, I’m weird and quite different, I accept that. I’m a small town girl who appreciates a rice field more than I appreciate skyscrapers; I know I’ll never change. It’s nice to have a bird’s eye view but I think I’ll appreciate it much more if the view below is an ocean, a mountain or as I already mentioned, a rice field and maybe a lake. I had fun though but I don’t think I’ll be visiting again anytime soon.

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She came, we saw and we sort of conquered the top.

On Repeat: Need to Feel Needed – Amber 엠버

(Or because you know the ooh, ooh, ooh is cheering me up big time.)

I woke up feeling completely crappy, a common occurrence for the last few months. No, that’s not a common knowledge, but hey, the cat is out of the proverbial bag. The only thing special today is that the running conversation in my head is a little bit on the positive side vs. the complete alternative which goes more like – “hey, you’re slow AF as ever, pick up the pace b*!” And since I don’t feel like being melancholic today (the sort of positive side of me sort of agrees too) why not look for a “pick me up” tune, and here it is:

Here’s another uncommon knowledge – I recently fell completely in love with Amber Liu of f(x). She has this sweet singing voice that’s pretty clear and convincing regarding the feelings it wants to convey and I love it. That aside, I also love her personality – quirky, bubbly and compassionate. Seriously what is not to love about Amber? She can make you cry (with On My Own) and she can make you want to join the party that is Need to Feel Needed. And honestly today, I need a break from the constant moping. Today, I wanna have fun and I’ll be bouncing and bobbing my head to this lovely tune, singing along with all the oohs – that is a matter of fact.

Get You Naked

You got my attention the minute you strut through that door. Dress flirting with the wind for three calculated breaths.  Slowly flowing and hugging every delicious curve of your blessed self. What a treat? Jolting me off my pathetic, twisted, self-assessment and wrapping me in a cloak of misery the moment your eyes caught mine.

As you captivatingly sashayed to where I’m planted at and as I repeatedly curse every inch of myself that’s responding to your silent call I wonder. “Until when can I hold myself from getting you naked?”

With the Lightest Touch

Your hand felt so warm,

It sent shock through my system –

With the lightest touch.

 

Sweet awakening,

A deep, secret wantonness

Lurking in shadows.

 

Come now, part the veil –

Consume, put out the fire,

That escaped tonight.

 

Modern Farmer A React-Cap Ep 12

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Missienelly: Ok, we are cruising to episode 12. But let me remind you how disastrous the ending for episode 11 was! MinKi brought the blondie back! Dun dun dun! Yoon Hee’s brother is definitely one happy boy but Yoon Hee herself? She seems confused, angry and disappointed all at once!

ErlNotEarl: I am not happy myself about MinKi bringing blondie to the countryside. Why did he do it? Why is he such a hero?! Wae, wae, wae?! What’s gonna happen to my ship now? This is going to be a major disaster, I can tell. GAH!

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Missienelly: Yes, I do not think this will go well. So let’s get started, shall we?

ErlNotEarl: Yes ma’am. For starters, MinKi just went all thick and asked Yoon Hee if blondie can stay with them. Of course the answer that wasn’t voiced out is no but since she’s a celebrity and Yoon Hee’s brother is a fan, she got to stay for little bro willingly volunteered his room.

Missienelly: Oh geez… his room is kinda messy but I’m actually impressed with MinKi. Making Yoo Na a meal, trying to be responsible for her well being and asking people to keep it quiet. If he ever be with Yoon Hee, she should be very happy because MinKi knows how to care for people.

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ErlNotEarl: I know right! He’s really sweet I mean thinking of blondie’s situation, not asking questions. How can we not fall for him? Yoon Hee’s definitely bothered about it though, so is Hyuk.

Missienelly: Omo omo, this eonnie is fast! She has arrived in Hadurok! I smell trouble cooking on the stove! Can you smell it, Erl?

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ErlNotEarl: I can smell it alright. And look at Han Chul escorting her to psycho girl’s place. Something bad is really bound to happen. Hmmm. Drunken ahjusshi is really thinking of what happened between him and Miyoung. I definitely will be. And his mom, asking questions. Ooooh.

Missienelly: Drunken ahjusshi’s mom is quite fit for her age, and I like her. Wow, yes… she’s back to matchmaking her son with fake eonnie now. This woman is desperate!

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ErlNoteEarl: She’s desperate alright but she’s not gonna go for whom her son likes. Anyone but Miyoung, that’s her words. I like how she gives in good words for her son, she can be a promoter. Kekeke. This eonnie is funny, she entered the room and just look around like she’s surveying a property or something. I agree with her, that’s a curious looking door, let’s open it! Wow, sweet potatoes!

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Missienelly: Such a waste of farmer’s hard work! All those sweet potatoes! She could have at least sell it in the market! Omo, fake eonnie caught on the treasure money! By the way, her voice annoyed me big time! Yes, I’m taking this personal kekeke

ErlNotEarl: The way she mentioned the money, LOL. Now they have to split. Her voice is a bit exotic, bearable for me but you know me, I am weird. Ah, so the goons came back and asked about psycho girl. Figure, how will she find out if not and now we know why she tapped her call. Smart eonnie; not so smart though because psycho girl doesn’t know where the money is yet. Kekeke.

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Missienelly: LOL this is what karma is about. The money will never be found! Meanwhile, I think Yoon Hee is majorly jealous and annoyed with blondie. But really though, can she be this whiny? I think the blondie is depressed and has no one to turn to but MinKi. Also, did you notice Hyuk’s facial expression? What’s up with that?

ErlNotEarl: She is majorly jealous, too obvious to us. And I mean okay, I don’t really care about blondie but she’s feeling down, where’s the humanity in not trying to understand a bit right? Hyuk? He had that look since MinKi brought her home. I really do think something happened back then. I’m dying to know what these two are hiding from our MinKi.

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Missienelly: Oh yeah, I am dying to know too. Oh hey, where are they going? Are those…. apples? Yoon Hee! Really? Can you lift those boxes? Oh god, I heard bone breaking! Wait, shouldn’t they be taking her to the hospital?

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ErlNotEarl: Those are indeed apples. I think they’re going to that open market thingy. Is it bad if I laugh so hard because of the way they’re carrying her? OMG! For sure she wouldn’t want to be taken to the hospital anyways. Also, don’t you think the way MinKi is telling blondie what to do very husband-like? I don’t like it. Flower ahjusshi daebak.. HAHAHAHAHA

Missienelly: I’m cracking up laughing at flower ahjusshi! The way he introduce himself to her… and calling her Miss Delinquent. Too cute, regardless!

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ErlNotEarl: And Miss Delinquent is going to take care of Yoon Hee. That’s gonna be awkward and funny. I wanna see that. Just the thought of it makes me smile inwardly. And now I am smiling brightly, goods! I love open markets like this. Oooh, drunken ahjusshi, watcha doin?

Missienelly: Ok, drunken ahjusshi, quit staring at Mi Young. It’s awkward! Wahhhhh, MinKi, quit talking through your nose! It is so weird! But I’m glad their tiny business is doing well! I’m not interested in grasshoppers spit, I rather eat flower ahjusshi’s apples instead!

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ErlNotEarl: Flower ahjusshi sells mushrooms too, yum! I’m craving for some mushroom. Kekeke, MinKi’s voice does sounds weird but it gets the customer. Speaking of talking through the nose, nowadays I’m doing that, not because I want to but it sounds like that. sigh I’m happy they’re all doing good business and I am quite amaze that grasshopper has that many flavor, hmmm. Wait, ah, is that a temple? Is this where Mr. Han is?

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Missienelly: I’m so glad mute ahjusshi is finally talking and taking his pink wig daughter to pay respect to his late wife. This is sad, I wouldn’t know what to do knowing that I’m bowing to my unknown mother for the first time.

ErlNotEarl: It’s a bittersweet moment and I can’t help but sweat a little through my eyes, or must be the medicine, I say it’s the medicine!

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Missienelly: Need some tissue there? wink Okay, they are making money. Do you think something going to happen again? I sense nervousness from Ki Joon now but look at Hyuk, if he that annoyed with MinKi why can’t he just go home and tend Yoon Hee himself. Urgh.

ErlNotEarl: Yay to earning money! I sure hope nothing happens I mean this money is hard earned money, the amount of time and effort they gave to catch those grasshoppers and all. Please, no. Ki Joon? He’s jealous, that’s for sure especially there’s a new guy around and he speaks the same language as Hwa Ran of course he will be jealous. With Hyuk, I am really dying to know the reason for all this hate towards blondie, what really happened? Speak of blondie, teeheehee. I like this.

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Missienelly: Well, this is awkward. Yoon Hee laying down like a log and Yoo Na sitting there like a… goodness, I can’t watch this Erl! Only in Modern Farmer!

ErlNotEarl: Like a what? Guard dog? LOL. This is so funny and all the breaking sound. I must be really a sadist cause I’m laughing so hard at this. Just a little scratching. MUAHAHAHAHA. Oooh, I see grandpa, with his “almonds” and ah, yes. Good luck lady!

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Missienelly: Oh my god, poor woman! She’s the new elder’s victim!

ErlNotEarl: I will not exactly call her poor, she brought it on herself anyways. Why did she come over to the village? She’s causing trouble on herself, like Han Chul. See, so out of it that he burnt his finger even with gloves on. And still going on and on about psycho girl, poor guy. I love Ki Joon’s suggestion.. Kekeke. Yes, rattle him some more, it helps.

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Missienelly: Han Chul may be unattractive physically, but his heart is made of gold. Now I can’t help but giggling at Ki Joon. He’s full of jealousy. If only he asks her… Stop acting immaturely!!!

ErlNotEarl: Wookay, it’s just a crush, whatever Ki Joon; no one believes you here, right Nell? Specially with the way you act. Just confess already! Oh it’s that awkward pair again. Kekeke. I think Miss Delinquent is getting tired already..

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Missienelly: Aish Yoo Na, if you are not used to sitting on the floor, get a chair or switch position! And Yoon Hee has a problem too, can’t she just ask blondie flat out? I’m laughing so hard at the background music. It sure is a battle to go to the bathroom LOL

ErlNotEarl: Both of them just won’t give in. GAH! I’m on the floor now, just a little bit more, a little bit more. HAHAHAHA. And I’m with you with the background music, it’s like an epiphany or something. Like the music in churches during advent season. All the effort not to make a noise was flushed out in the drain, bone breaking. Waaah!

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Missienelly: I’m still dying here from the background music. Can’t she just go to the hospital? Her bones keep cracking. shudders

ErlNotEarl: I don’t think Yoon Hee will bother with the hospital. But thank goodness she asked for blondie’s help, she really needs it I mean her bones are gonna break some more if not. Excuse me though while I laugh some more. Kekeke.

Missienelly: Wah, Yoo Na can cook!!! She is a wifey material, Erl! I am starting to have much respect for her now. I bet Yoon Hee regretted what she had said about blondie now.

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ErlNotEarl: She seems to be kind and it looks like she had it rough but I still don’t trust her. The wife material, well, maybe, just a little. It takes much to be a real wife, you know that. Nice, back to back food. Actually not really nice, it’s making me really hungry and I just had my tea. And wow, our boys are paying for the meal? Just wow!

Missienelly: Wah, the business must be super good. Oh goodness, I hope Ki Joon is still dreaming. I’m dying of laughter now, he actually did it!!! This is embarrassing, now his immaturity finally showing! He deserves to get yelled!

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ErlNotEarl: The feeling of the people on that table is diverse. Flower ahjusshi, microphone lady and MinKi are very happy while drunken ahjusshi and Miyoung are both uneasy. And our Ki Joon, he’s irritated to death because of what seems to be sweetness between Bul Ja and Chow Yun Fat. And like you, I really thought it was just happening in his mind; I guess he can’t control anymore, too bad. But I guess we’ll be hearing a confession soon, or I hope because he’s gonna drink with the village folks while the other three opted to go somewhere else. First, there’s Han Chul, poor Han Chul.

Missienelly: Han Chul will never give up on psycho girl, won’t he? gasp here we go with the misunderstanding. I’m dying of laughter here! The poor boy is officially depressed! This could send him to his death bed sooner though… I fear for his health now.

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ErlNotEarl: This is why you shouldn’t eavesdrop on people. Kekeke. I’m telling you, we are gonna die from laughing because of Modern Farmer. Like you I am really fearing for Han Chul’s health, I mean please, don’t die on us. What’s this, is Yoon Hee fine now?

Missienelly: Wow, she can get up and walk now! Miracle! I think Yoon Hee owes blondie an apology big time, right Erl?

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ErlNotEarl: She does, specially she’s been really nice to her, feeding her son and helping with his assignment. Oh and cleaning the house. Okay, I’m rethinking this, she could be a wife material. Oh here come MinKi and of course with something for blondie.. and Yoon Hee too. Wow!

Missienelly: Awwwww that is very considerate of MinKi. He brought back heat patch and anti-aging cream! Such a good boy!

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ErlNotEarl: He is even if he teased her. LOL. She’s not so mad anymore that he brought stuff for blondie. Wah, they’re drinking, I wanna join! I want some makgeolli too. Ah, drunken ahjusshi and Miyoung, hihihihi. Yes, Ki Joon, keep on drinking, this will lead to a good thing. ^^

Missienelly: Ki Joon should stop drinking! And mute ahjusshi is back and his voice is so inviting. Maybe, just maybe… microphone ahjumma might fall in for him? Ship ship ship!

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ErlNotEarl: Ship! And see, that’s why you should speak so soon. Kekeke. But that aside, it’s really a happy day for Sang Eun’s dad, thank goodness he can talk again.

Missienelly: Such a great celebration! Can I slap Ki Joon’s head? Really, if he’s curious, why can’t he ask her directly? Ooooh, yes!!! He’s confessing ala chaebol way! Bahahaha that’s ok, I’ll take it!

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ErlNotEarl: Go ahead, slap him, I’m not gonna stop you. But wow, the wrist grab, I kind of miss that. And a confession finally! It’s fine, I sort of have a thing with rich chaebol confessions because it’s just too embarrassing for them. LOL. Oh I guess I’ll continue lol-ing. It’s pee, not bi, pee!

Missienelly: Oy, pee scene again. I bet that pole is stinks! I’m a bit frustrated with these two, if they like each other, just say it! Mistake and regret? Quit denying the feels!

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ErlNotEarl: Their scenes mostly involves pee, goodness this two, they’re too old for pretense! Don’t waste your time!

Missienelly: Aigoo they are drinking again! We know how this will end! At this rate, she even may get pregnant!

ErlNotEarl: Rosy cheeks are really cute, let them drink. And let them reproduce, it’s in the bible, go forth and deliver! LOL

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Missienelly: Geez, I thought that was a cool laptop! LOL But isn’t this a scene sweet? Her smile is so priceless.

ErlNotEarl: I saw the same one at Daiso a month ago. I wanted to but it but, oh well. It’s a very sweet scene. I can’t help but smile with her. And now her smile sort of diminished. Why are you there for blondie, MinKi, why? And Yoon Hee, did you just?

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Missienelly: Wow, she’s being so generous, Erl? I would never thought she changed her mind! I’m glad Yoon Hee let her guard down.

ErlNotEarl: Well, it’s all because she had been really good to her when she was in need and because she’s a really kind person. I’m partial to it though. I’d rather look at Ki Joon having a flashback of his chaebol way of confession. Soo cute. And here comes the love interest. Yay! Han Chul though, what to do with Han Chul?

Missienelly: Omo, look at this awkward couple! Bul Ja is here! And she’s literally doing what she was told to do! She is toooo cute!

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ErlNotEarl: I really love this pair, as in. At time I wish we have more screen time for them. But, what do we have here, weeds? Still? Wow! And Hyuk, what’s wrong really? Speak up!

Missienelly: Look, Hyuk better spill the beans. Why is he mums about it? Is he annoyed that MinKi likes blondie and Yoon Hee eonnie likes MinKi? Is that it? I’m bad at reading expression. Bahahaha they finally realized mute ahjusshi is talking! This village has turned upside down and Han Chul is definitely traumatize now!

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ErlNotEarl: I don’t think that’s it, he’s not that type of guy. Or at least I don’t see him like that. There’s really something that he’s not letting us and MinKi know. I wish there was more clue. The village has turned upside down? Well we like it that way anyways. Kekeke. But Han Chul, poor child, poor, poor child. And look here, the people that’s making him traumatized. Now we have two evening diggers. sigh

Missienelly: Do we have to go through this again? I mean now Han Chul will definitely thinks these girls are gays! Aish… what are we gonna do with him now?

ErlNotEarl: He keeps eavesdropping, that’s just wrong! He should just show himself. Though for some reason, I keep on thinking of a pepero kiss. LOL. Ahhh, nice sky but blondie and Hyuk together, I don’t feel good, I don’t..

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Missienelly: Stop Hyuk-ah, why are you being so mean? I’m starting to like blondie now! Somebody please stop them from fighting! But I can’t help laughing at MinKi’s dirty look. He looks cuter than angry!

ErlNotEarl: Yoon Hee’s there to stop them cause I don’t think blondie can. She looks guilty and hiding something. If only there’s more clue to work with. I’m dying to know what causes our sweet Hyuk to be so mean.

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Mending

I’ve cut myself unknowingly,

Too trusting that I won’t bleed;

Too numb to feel, to know of –

The leech stuck in my being.

I was oblivious – I always was

Until the numbness faded,

Until my vision cleared,

Regrettably not in time to save me from the Styx.

Still, I resurfaced to see the damage;

To see myself deteriorating away,

To see everything all blurry,

Yet not a chance I’ll let out my fury.

Instead I picked my broken pieces,

Whatever it is that can be saved,

And walked away, head held high,

On that really hot summer day.

With every step all I wish is this –

Hopefully, in time, there would be peace.

Hopefully, that place to rest will show itself,

A place where I shall start mending and living once again.

An Unlikely But Fitting Lullaby

It’s been really hard to sleep post sickness (I’m still a bit under the weather and on meds so thankfully I’m always knocked out effortlessly) that I have been using my “lullaby playlist” more often than not for help. A few nights post sickness, as my lullaby plays – on shuffle of course – a song that I didn’t realize I included on the list played and I had to keep still for a few seconds to remember where I heard it before I decided to keep it on repeat and eventually fell asleep in the process. No, it’s not an instrumental and it’s possibly one of the saddest song I’ve ever heard in my life but since I am me, I find it appealing and for some reason helpful because I so want an excuse to cry, that’s how trying things are right now.

The first time I heard this song is on Dream High – the first one, with Wooyoung. Sorry, I just had to sneak that in there, I hope you understand. If I remember it correctly, IU played this in the hospital, I’ll probably re-watch the drama soon, when I can focus completely at home. Yeah, back to the song.. Here it is:

I know, it’s definitely a very unlikely lullaby cause it’s just oh so full of longing for someone but I am longing myself, longing for some peace and comfort and things that I used to have post “series of unfortunate events” that it matches so well. And yes it makes me cry but I need to, I need it. Otherwise how will I let my frustration out? What means, what ways?

In more ways than one I am waiting but unlike the song, I’ll be moving forward to find what I have lost and possibly to free myself of things that’s tying me down. And I’m hoping, on a clear day, what I have lost comes back to me just like when it left.